Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
