i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
We're too hungover to prance.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
