fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
