There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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