my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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