It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize