HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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