we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
