how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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