my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
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Do I have a choice?
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I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize