I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
How external is "for external use only"?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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