How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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