Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
