Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
