So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
