im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Holy shit dude........stairs
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
