So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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