I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
