drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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