Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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