If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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