I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
