last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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