are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Pants are for mortals
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
