She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize