remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Everyone says I win the strip club
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
