Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
