Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
They took my balls.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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