I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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