I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
