I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
