How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
