Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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