I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
