take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
