You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
being pregnant is like rehab
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
