I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
