I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
