he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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