is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
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