Too much gin, very little bucket
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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