Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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