She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
