She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
