just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize