i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
