I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She told me I should be a condom model.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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