apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
