Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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