You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Randomize
