Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize