You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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