She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
