i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
