I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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