my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
