My nipple is on Facebook.
Plan B is the new Plan A
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
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