Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
