Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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