I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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