Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
