I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
God, you're like boner-b-gone
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
