there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
