i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
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