Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
