Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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