There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
