Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize