Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
