she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
