It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
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