wrigley field is MILF paradise
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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