youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
she peed on how many people?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
