i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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