Your mouth is God's brothel.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I just threw up on my dentist
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
did you just send me my own nude
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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