Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
