Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
