i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
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