I think i sorta joined a cult last night
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
