maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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