Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
