She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
