I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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