one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
