living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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